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Between You And His Visa

Punch: Funke gbemode ,

Some years ago, I expressed my fear of the visa lottery arrangee becoming an annual craze. Now Iíve been vindicated. I donít really have much against men who think they cannot make it unless they go abroad to wash plates and spend the rest of their youthful years dodging American Immigration Officers. Good luck to them. Maybe theyíll actually make it.

But my real grouse is how this migration craze sour up relationships. Each time a visa application sails through, a girl gets left behind. Thatís why the girls have to fish out their whole armour and dorn it before they fall for the next prospective migrant. Because, you see, a man who is crazy about going abroad at all cost cannot possibly be crazy about his girl. Things are not that bad here and, girls, if you have boyfriends who think unless they travel abroad they cannot make it, watch out. Your heart is at stake. You are about to be left in the lurch, on your own (O.Y.O), high and dry. Donít be taken in by all that talk about loving you endlessly and how they are going to send for you as soon as possible.

A man who makes that kind of Abacha promise should only be believed by crazy girls. For Christís sake, he doesnít even know where heís going or how soon heíd settle down! Someone who cannot settle down here in his fatherland, how can he put a time frame on settled life in America or wherever?

Look, he has virtually done everything to obtain that visa and no fly of a girl is going to cramp his style when he finally Ďjetsí out. Oh, maybe you think all the disappearing breasts and heads are just for money-making rituals. You are behind times. Some of these desperados buy human skulls of albinos and white men to "facilitate" visas!

My advice to you is to Ďforgetí him as soon as he boards the plane. Donít be caught dead sporting any fake Ďringí and waiting until you grow gray hairs. If you donít believe me, ask around and youíd be surprised at how many girls have lost out after years of sending perfumed and lip-stamped cards to their lovers across the ocean while the bastard made babies with an akata woman or, maybe, you want to wait for five or seven years before you realise your folly.

Donít even let him tag you with a traditional wedding. If he wonít procure your own visa along with his and he wants to go alone, he has no business tying you down.

America or Britain is not like Onitsha or Abuja where you can go on Ekene-Dili Chukwu land flight. Let nobody fool you that love across the ocean is blissful. You would be spending years wondering whether heíll write or not or why heís cold and curt on the phone.

If heís hooked on traveling abroad, unhook yourself from him. After all, whatís the big deal about a man going abroad to be a mortuary attendant or Ďmai-guardí. Iíd rather go like the rich folks who spend their weekends in California and come straight to work than the desperados who spend 10 years out there before they can home for one Christmas.



How can I discourage my little sister from having sex?

My little sister (15 yrs) is always in the company of boys. I suspect she has started dating. Please how can I discourage her from becoming sexually active at this age?

Evlyn oghene (Lagos)


Keeping your sister away from boys does not mean she will still not get exposed to sex. Itís a dangerous step, psychologist will tell you. In fact, research shows that girls that grew up in the company of boys get used to them easily and more likely to delay sex. People deciding to engage in intimate sexual relations is influenced by cultural, ethical, religious, moral, physical, and psychological factors. Explore one of these factors to discourage her. Encourage her not to be pressured to engage in sexual intercourse or any other sexual activity. What is right is what makes her feel comfortable. Abstinence is not only rewarded by a relaxed mind free of fear and anxiety, it is the only known protection against pregnancy, and HIV transmission.  Encourage them to find other sources of fulfillment such as outdoor sports, games. The more young people stay lonely indoors, the more they think about sexual activities. They should get out and play sports in the company of other friends.



What Should I do if Exposed to HIV?

Please what should one do if one suspects one has just been exposed to someone with HIV unknowingly?

Name Withheld (PH, Nigeria)


If you suspect you have been exposed to HIV virus, do not wait, rush straight to either your doctor or local clinic and report. Doctors use a procedure called  Prophylaxis,  which means disease prevention. HIV Post-exposure prophylaxis (or PEP) means taking antiviral medications as soon as possible after exposure to HIV, so that the exposure will not result in HIV infection. Normally, Doctors will administer anti-HIV drugs within 72 hours (three days) of exposure for  about 28 days.  PEP  is used to minimize the chance of HIV infection if one is exposed to the virus. It is not a cure, but a practice used to prevent infection. Itís only effective if itís used just within a day or two of exposure.



Does sex make a relationship stronger?

Hi, why are guys more interested in sex than ladies, what does it serve them? Does sex make a relationship stronger?

Nkem (Abuja)


Hi Nkem,

Men tend to be much more 'driven' sexually than women. Some men have stronger drives than orders. A young man has the ability to have sex every day, or even much more often than that. If he is potent, and does that with an ovulating, fertile female each time, that means he is capable of making a baby with a woman perhaps every two hours or less. Nature made it that way to preserve the human race. Sex originally was made for procreation. If men didn't have that ability, human race would have gone into extinction. A woman, on the other hand has some biological constraints; she can only make babies few days in a month, and cannot for another 9 months or more once she conceives, and few months after delivery. This puts her sexual drive way behind her male counterpart.

According to a research in USA having sex with a guy doesn't help him fall in love, make a woman more special to him, save a relationship in trouble or even guarantee a commitment. Most men who are serious about a relationship will wait for sex. Those who rush sex or force it on a lady know they won't stay, that's why they want it now.



Is anal sex dangerous?


My fiancee is trying to pressure me into having anal sex with him. I have declined so far but looks I may give in to make him feel better. My question is: Is anal sex dangerous?

Anonymous (Benin, Nigeria)


Anal sex is not dangerous but has a higher risk than vaginal sex. So you need a lot of precautions and artificial lubrication. The rectum, unlike the vagina has no natural lubricants, this makes anal sex more painful. The pain you experience during anal sex comes from one of the following:

Hemorrhoids: A swollen, tender lump in the anal area. If you have hemorrhoid, you'll often notice blood from a bleeding on toilet paper after a bowel movement, or on the stool itself.  

Small tear in the lining of the anus called an Anal Fissure.  It causes pain because the penis causes small tears on opening of the anus.

Perforation in the colon: This is a medical complication that results from anal sex. It normally requires hospitalization, surgery to repair the hole, and antibiotics to prevent infection. You know this if you have fever and severe pain and pressure in the abdomen after sex. if you get this experience see a doctor right away.   

Anal sex is also more prone to sexually transmitted diseases because of tears and bleeding. Therefore, if you must, make sure you use plenty of lubricants, and a latex condom. If it begins to hurt too much, stop immediately! So girlfriend, be careful!



How can I stop a date and still be friendly?

Hello Ma,

I went out with a guy only once, but I don't think I can date him, yet i don't want to hurt his feelings; I only want us to be friends because he's a good guy byt definitely not my type...I am wild, he is too quiet and conservative. Please how best can I tell him without losing his friendship?

Mariah ( Owerri, Nigeria)



It's good of you not thinking about hurting someone's feelings. But honestly, sometimes being nice could led to mixed feelings and more unwanted advances. In this situation, just thank him for the date and tell him that both of you are different;  he is not the type of date best for you at this time. Don't tell him that you want to be friends, unless you are really serious about being his friend. Don't do anything to hurt or insult him either. Friendship is just natural if it's meant to be. If you don't want to see this guy again make it very clear to him politely. Don't flirt with people you don't want to date, it sends a mixed signal.



Is a relationship without love possible?


I just want to ask u one question. Is it possible for two to be in a relationship and don't love each other?  

Emmanuel (Lagos)


Hello Emma, 

It's important to know that relationship and love are two different things. Love exists where two parties express sincere feelings for each other through words, actions, and thoughts. Relationship, however, is where two or more parties come together to achieve a common (mutual) purpose, which could be permanent or temporary.  

If your question is whether two people can be in a 'Love Relationship' without loving each other. The answer is 'No' because it's a love relationship. But if you want to know if two people can be in a relationship without loving each other. Then the answer is 'Yes'. In fact, it's very common. The relationship could be fuelled by other motives than love. It could be for financial, sexual (erotic), fame, political, religious, traditional, etc benefits. Many people do get into 'Marriage relationship' either to produce more offspring, gain political connections, or improve financial standing. To get the best out of such relationships, the two parties normally need to define what their objectives and expectations are.  As far as that objective is met they don't care about sincere 'love expressions'.  

But in a true 'Love relationship', actions, thoughts, and feelings towards each other are fuelled by love and desire to keep each other happy. Most writers describe it as 'Agape Relationship'. It's a relationship that gives without either asking, or expecting something in return.



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