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This discussion forum is provided for opinion sharing, and information purposes. Whereas we encourage participants to be open and candid in their comments, the Editor reserves the right to edit comments for appropriate language, and eligibility. Obscene, insulting, and absurd comments may not be posted to preserve the quality. Contributors' information and e-mail addresses cannot be made available to the public or private request.


This Month's Topic

Should Nigerians Abroad Come Home To Marry To Preserve Our Cultural Heritage?


 

Introduction:

It has been a popular practice for Nigerian men abroad to travel back home to motherland to look for soul-mates. The rationale had always been that girls raised back home are more homely and therefore make 'better' wives in African context. But recently some experiences have not been very pleasant. While more people are getting into such unions purely for other ulterior motives, and commercial reasons, divorce rates from such unions are on the increase. This leads us to question if the rationale makes sense anymore. Therefore, should Nigerians abroad come home to marry just to preserve our cultural heritage?

 

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Read Posted Comments Below


I am a black American and my husband is a Nigerian. I have to speak from the heart. Nigerian men Should do us woman abroad a favor and GO HOME AND FIND A WIFE!! Woman in the states (especially black women) have enough trouble with our own trifling, self centered, unfaithful, irresponsible men. We don't need to import heartache from abroad. Nigerian men come here with tales of their culture and strong family values, that only last as long as it takes to get their immigration woes taken care of. They move in, spend our money, make babies they don't take care of, and spread themselves around with anything under a skirt, then expect us to be silent and submissive in the homes WE pay for while they enjoy the fruits of OUR labor. Once the ink is dry on the green card, they suddenly realize they want a woman from there own culture citing all the things that is wrong with "yankee women". Even though t was the Yankee who took them in and loved them when they had nothing to offer. I live in a community with several Nigerian/American couples and I see this much too often. When all is said and done the men run down to the village to get a wife who they can control and who is so hungry to travel or be taken care of, she will accept his mess. If this is the culture you want to preserve Nigerian women, GOD BLESS YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE FAR MORE OF A WOMAN THAN I. So PLEASSSSE! do call your men home or better yet marry them b/4 they travel, you would be saving some poor misguided Yankee alot of time, money, babies, and heartache! We can do bad all by ourselves, as my momma said the day she met my husband, "The devil that you know, is better than the angel you don't know" After 11 years, two kids, and too much drama me and my Yankee Sista's wish we listened to the wisdom of her advice. Peace.

MD (USA)


This is a good one to debate on. actually, it has its advantage and disadvantage too but the point still remains that one can find a soul-mate at any part of the world, the issue why people divorce could be some over looked fault going on even before the union was tied, you don't  just wake up one day and go into marriage with a lady you don't know too well just simply because you think ,feel and know she is from your motherland so she will make a good wife  without engaging yourself with with her long before you plan about getting married. if u don't study something you can know it so is thoery occurs in our daily life. so study before you marry. thanks


Jeni, (Dublin, Ireland


Nigerians abroad had better marry wherever they are. Youths at home (Nigeria) have become so unreasonably materialistic that they are prepared to do anything to travel abroad. When they get there they start trouble or divorce. In a quest to get rich they accept anything they see, then when the reality sets in they start agitating. Think about a 19 yrs old nurse from Nigeria marrying a 57 yrs old taxi driver in USA; they dated only two weeks and got married. Now they are in court. Is that love?

Chinelo (DC,  USA)


Nigerians abroad should come home to marry so that they can continue our cultural heritage anywhere they are. Thank u
 

Bola (Chicago, USA)


Nigerian men should be free to marry any woman of their choice whether here or back home. I'm a single Nigerian living in the US. My brother is married to a Caucasian (white) female and they are in love. They just had a beautiful baby boy together. That is all that matters. It goes both ways.

Maryanne (Texas, USA)


It will be nice for people to retain their cultural heritage if they find their soul-mate in that particular culture or country. I don't see why men should go back to Nigeria to get married if they have dated Nigerians in the countries they live in and don't believe that the ones back homely and make better wife. The world is changing now and becoming a global village so it all depends on the brought up of the particular individual. so i shall simply say that "home or abroad" WIFE depends on the upbringing of the person

Nne (Toronto, Canada )


I think the guys should go home and marry cuz they need to stick to one partner and dat's it. don't matter if they are "promiscuous or not." They should get a hold on themselves on how they pursue white ladies whom they know don't usually love them.

 Rasky (Baltimore MD, USA)


Am Tracy from Uganda, kampala, brown, tall. For guys every one has a right of marrying anywhere he or she feels like getting a corresponded soul mate.
Am from Uganda but it doesn't matter if I get a man from Nigeria or any other country if that's the person which God has kept for you.

I have liked this forum. Bring it also in Uganda, many guys like it. Thanks

Tracy (Uganda Kampala)



 YES I SUPPORT THAT NIGERIANS ABROAD SHOULD COME HOME TO MARRY TO PRESERVE OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE SO AS TO BOAST OUR CULTURE WORLDWIDE.

QUEENETH OSUCHUKWU (Owerri)


To me I would  suggest that Nigerian men abroad should come home and marry any girl of their choice not just to preserve our culture, because these days our girls who are desperate to marry are ready waiting 4 the man they will capture. So I am advising that if our men want to marry they should please shine their eyes well- well. They should not marry a girl  because of her  beauty, but because of whom she is. Find out if she is really a wife material; can she be a wife? If our men want to marry, they should be very careful because some girls are just interested in their money and  the other reason that their husbands may take them oversea, not knowing that they never  liked the man in question. Men should be careful, and make  good choices.

Good luck!

Osuji Chinazom (Owerri, Nigeria)


Which culture, may I ask...the culture of fraud, tribalism, rituals, cheating, and fanaticism?  American culture is not projected my marriage, but by their media houses, movie industries, writers, teachers, and government. It's constantly refined. You cannot even get a free Nigerian flag at Nigerian embassies abroad. Excuse me!

Thanks

Mercy (USA)


No Marriage out there is perfect. Forget about the public displays you see, it's not same at home. There's no such thing as 'Marrying for dubious reasons'. There's always a reason (always a selfish interest) to get married. This could vary from looking for someone fertile to make kids to answer your name, someone beautiful or handsome to compliment your social status, someone to help you get a work permit, someone with connection to help your political ambition, someone religious to sustain your faith, someone sexy to give you good sex all the time. Then you can also add '...someone to help you with your finances'.  This is normally what is at the mind of people, but they put love upfront to look Geniune. So I don't care where you find that 'Someone' to meet your needs. Home or abroad.

Bayo (Germany)


Definitely not! those who are doing that recently are very dubious. The guys look for someone to pay their bills, the ladies just want to travel abroad. If you find someone who truly loves you and not your money, then go for it.

Joy (Washington, DC, USA)


Yes!!! they should come home and marry, to promote their culture
 

Kelechi Amnaechi (Imo state, (Nigeria)


I AGREE THAT NIGERIAN MEN SHOULD COME BACK HOME AND GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO PRESERVE OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE SO THAT THEIR KIDS WILL KNOW HOW TO RESPECT THEIR SENIORS BECAUSE MOST NIGERIAN KIDS BORN HERE IN UNITED STATES DON'T EVEN RESPECT THEIR PARENTS AND ALSO CAN CALL THE POLICE ON YOU. CHILDREN BORN HERE ARE EXPECTED TO BE VISITING HOME MORE OFTEN IN ORDER TO KEEP THEIR CULTURE AND KNOW HOW TO RESPECT ELDERS.

Judy



Definitely not, there is no heritage to secure because the heritage is family control. Talking about who is using witch to control somebody......... all that kinda stuff.

Cynthia Opurum (New York, USA)


 it depends on the man's choice whether he wants to come home to marry or not.

Chiomystic  (Nigeria,Imo State )


Regardless the setback, getting a Nigerian girl for marriage either from here or from home remains a better choice. The alternative presents a clear and present danger.

Anthony Ezeogu (MO. USA)


Hello all!

First, let me warn that my contribution to this topic may offend some people. So you may choose to skip reading. I am writing as one in clinical psychology with no bias or inclination towards any specific ideology, or faith. Please note that:

  1. Male animals including homo sapiens (human being inclusive) are naturally promiscuous ..hardly can stick to one sexual partner. Go back to the bible and read the old testament well (Jacob, Abraham, David, Solomon, etc). It's a natural inclination.

  2. God created male animals for procreation. That's why a man at 80 can still get a woman pregnant. At least that was how God intended it ".....increase and multiply"

  3. The attempt to limit male human to one-man-one sex partner is called 'taming' just like you tame a wild tiger to live with human beings; it does not take away the tiger's hunting instincts when he gets hungry. Taming a human been in this case is achieved through religion, laws, fear of punishment, diseases, financial constraints. But it has not always been successful.

  4. Sex is the most powerful urge that God created. Research shows that people who are sex-starved are more likely to be aggressive and think about succide.

  5. Not every culture in Nigeria or in the world limits one man to one sex partner.

  6. Officially the age of consent in Nigeria is 17 years. It is even lower in some muslem communities (in some cases as low as 13 years), where girls are expected to marry early to preserve their purity.

  7. In African culture a man should toil to provide for his women until he dies (it was a punishment from God), while a woman should sit pretty at home, take good care of herself, give good sex, and take care of the home...she is expected to live longer.

Modern divorces, marital woes, frustration in relationships, aggression, suffering are direct results of re-writing God's will blamed on the western culture and religion. I have lived in the USA and UK. These are the most frustrating countries in world full of unhappy people, broken families, frustrated relationships, angry neighbors, faking happiness. On the contrary, Nigerians have been voted twice as the happiest people on earth despite the economic hardships. I don't know of any divorced marriage in my community, and I m now 29.  I am not saying that people should cheat in their marriages, but when party fails, the other should see it from these facts and be able to understand and forgive. Don't head to court for divorce because one party failed. It's bound to happen. It's a constant warfare between the flesh and the spirit. Sometime one gets an upper hand.

So Nigerians abroad should not only come home to marry, they should also try to keep the culture. But if they choose to live like Americans please save enough money for lawyers. Call me whenever you need a divorce lawyer.

Ben Tiv (Jos)


 There is no intelligent accomplishment in marrying a Nigerian or any other lady. If a Nigerian living abroad wants to marry, just marry. Marriage does not preserve our cultural heritage.

Justice Ben (Abia state).


All I read here is about how bad Nigerian girls are nowadays. What about the guys who have lost every basic tenet of morality. The problem is that we still live in a male-dominated society. When a guy cheats or commits crime he is hailed. When a lady does same she is called wayward. How many married women in Nigeria can openly keep a 17 year old as a boyfriend, buy car or house for him, pay his school fees, sleep around in hotels with him, just like our male counterparts do with teenagers in this country with all impunity. If a Nigerian woman did that, she will make headlines. but it's okay for a 62 year old man to keep a 15 year-old mistress and be messing around with her even before his own children. Society will hail that as a 'sweet catch'.

Women here have no rights, but abroad they can speak out and fight back and get justice. That's the difference. If you pick up  an educated Nigerian girl this day and age as a wife and travel abroad with her hoping to treat her like your sex-slave like men at home do I feel really sorry for you.

On a different note...I watched the video of the last Youth Talent Awards at Owerri....excellent job!! We job you can audition in Abuja for the 2006 Show.

Temi Agbola (Abuja, Nigeria)


 They should come back home and marry ,we have lots of fine chaps around . Home is better


 
IKE CHARLES EBERE (Port Harcourt)


Hello,
my comment goes like this who the cap fits let him wear. u should marry from any tribe u want so far that both of u are meant to be together, culture or know culture. u cant just mess ur marital life up because of culture, Nigerian girls specially the Igbo ones don't believe the word love, they only care for ur money and that's all, once the money is there u are been loved. please friends  aboard should marry who they like.

 David Cole Viaz  (Owerri, Nigeria )


Yea they should come home to marry. The aspects of it here to discuss are not not only to preserve tradition/cultural heritage.

 
Ephraim (Port Harcourt Nigeria)


Well, i'll say it doesn't really matter where a man choose to marry from whether a Nigeria person based in Nigeria, or a Nigeria person based in other parts of the country or even if it is not a Nigeria. We are one and the same. the only difference is that of colour, and way of life. i have learnt to understand that most of the girls in these parts of the world, especially USA, LONDON etc, are living are wayward life. If u look closely today in our so called Nigeria, the girls are becoming more wayward than those other girls living in other part of the world.

So what i am trying to say in essence is that it doesn't really matter. One can marry from any part of the world where a Nigerian or an outsider... We are created by one God.

  KEEP THE PROGRAMME UP!

Enny Irorere (Port Harcourt)


 IT IS QUITE PATHETIC FOR NIGERIAN MARRYING WHITE LADIES AND DIVORCING THEM. BUT IF I MAY ASK WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM THE GUYS TO DO? WHEN MILLIONS OF GRADUATES ARE IN THE COUNTRY WASTING, SO THE ONLY OPTION LEFT FOR THEM IS TRAVEL OUT GET ANY AVAILABLE WHITE LADY FOR EASY SURVIVAL AND FREE MOVEMENT. IT IS VERY TRUE THAT SOME OF THE LADIES IN NIGERIA ARE MORE HOMELY. BUT THE WAY THEIR EYES SHINE FOR MONEY IS GETTING OUT OF HAND. YOU WILL SEE A GIRL THAT IS LOVE WITH A GUY IN NIGERIA HERE TO THE EXTENT THEIR PLANNING TO GET MARRIED, BUT WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT A YANKEE GUY IS INTERESTED ON HER ALL IS LOOSED, SHE WILL JUMP TO THE YANKEE GUY WITHOUT KNOWING THE SOURCE OF HIS CASH, WHILE THE GUY HERE IN NIGERIA WILL MAKE UP HIS MIND TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY TO MAKE IS OWN MONEY NOT MINDING THE WAY HE DOES THAT IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS. SO OUR LADIES HERE IN NIGERIA OR GENERALLY NIGERIAN LADIES ARE NOT BETTER
 

-hima (Owerri)


People are free to marry wherever they like. But it is really bad to marry for commercial reasons either at home or abroad. So what is failing in those unions are not girls from home but the motive for which people are getting married. According to an African adage " You cannot sow yam, and reap rice.."

I love this forum please keep up to good work in bringing Nigerian youths together.

Taiwo (Lagos)


.....my comment is not about the topic but about the last Youth Talent Award held at Owerri, Nigeria in December 2005. Please how can one get in touch with that pretty little girl that won the the best gospel award. Please I am serious!!!!!!. Her hip-hop performance was classy. I will like to know where she schools, trains, live.....

James (Edo)


It will be nice for people to keep to the topic.... just a suggestion!.

Back to the topic. In the olden days it worked because there were not enough Nigerian women in USA then, my own mother was married via a photo posted to my dad in USA. The marriage has been happily ever after with 3 successful kids. But these days, i doubt if makes sense. there are enough Nigerian girls almost in every country to go round all eligible men.

Jennifer(Atlanta, USA)


Guys going home to marry are simply looking for submissive, home-bred, dummies. But I thank God even girls at home know their rights in this century and are quick to assert it once they come into organized societies. I don't pray for marriages to break up. But if u are looking for a slave who will serve u and ended up getting a prof who will lecture u on human rights... isn't it a good bargain?

Emily (UK)


The issue is whether this practice preserve nija culture. How  do you preserve a culture by shipping our Eves abroad?. come Warri see the girls back from Italy see the kind culture they come back with. It doesn't look nija culture to moi

......yo people, I was at the last Youth Talent Awards at Owerri..great job people!!. But please add more categories...like comedy.  great job there!!

Eden (Warri)


I'm a white, blond, lady married to a Nigerian guy I met on a Christian mission to Africa since 2000. I've seen no problems so far; ain't praying for one. However, I'll love to know what Nigerian ladies think about the topic; sounds interesting. Thanks for creating this forum.

Angie (USA)


I agree that gals raised back home in Africa perhaps know more about African cultures and tradition. But I don't agree that they are more homely. These days u can still pick up an 'Angel' or a 'devil' anywhere.. back home, or abroad...doesn't matter.....the colour or race doesn't even matter. I've met both in the short period I' ve lived.. My Ex  in Nigeria was hell. I practically endured every abuse a woman could go through (cheating, battering, sex-starving, mention it). Surprisingly, or no surprise at all, the guy I met abroad is more refined and has respect for women....but the cheatin thing is just in the blood of handsome, rich guys everywhere.....just a caution to all ya young girls out dia. It's something u have to deal with...happened in almost every relationship I had. I love handsome classy guys because I am an actress, and needed the boost. But that grade of guys just can't have enough of pretty girls, who unfortunately, run around dem..... Maybe I m wrong!!!!. my principle now is "do ur thin but don't let me hear or see it, because I could do dat too"

I heard about the great job you guys did in Nigeria in December 2005 '...picking kids from the street and turning dem into stars' Please keep me posted on the next talent awards. God bless your efforts.

Tina (Amsterdam)

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