I am a
black American and my husband is a Nigerian. I have to speak
from the heart. Nigerian men Should do us woman abroad a favor
and GO HOME AND FIND A WIFE!! Woman in the states (especially
black women) have enough trouble with our own trifling, self
centered, unfaithful, irresponsible men. We don't need to import
heartache from abroad. Nigerian men come here with tales of
their culture and strong family values, that only last as long
as it takes to get their immigration woes taken care of. They
move in, spend our money, make babies they don't take care of,
and spread themselves around with anything under a skirt, then
expect us to be silent and submissive in the homes WE pay for
while they enjoy the fruits of OUR labor. Once the ink is dry on
the green card, they suddenly realize they want a woman from
there own culture citing all the things that is wrong with "yankee
women". Even though t was the Yankee who took them in and loved
them when they had nothing to offer. I live in a community with
several Nigerian/American couples and I see this much too often.
When all is said and done the men run down to the village to get
a wife who they can control and who is so hungry to travel or be
taken care of, she will accept his mess. If this is the culture
you want to preserve Nigerian women, GOD BLESS YOU, BECAUSE YOU
ARE FAR MORE OF A WOMAN THAN I. So PLEASSSSE! do call your men
home or better yet marry them b/4 they travel, you would be
saving some poor misguided Yankee alot of time, money, babies,
and heartache! We can do bad all by ourselves, as my momma said
the day she met my husband, "The devil that you know, is better
than the angel you don't know" After 11 years, two kids, and too
much drama me and my Yankee Sista's wish we listened to the
wisdom of her advice. Peace.
This is a good one to debate on.
actually, it has its advantage and disadvantage too but the
point still remains that one can find a soul-mate at any part of
the world, the issue why people divorce could be some over
looked fault going on even before the union was tied, you
don't just wake up one day and go into marriage with a lady you
don't know too well just simply because you think ,feel and know
she is from your motherland so she will make a good
wife without engaging yourself with with her long before you
plan about getting married. if u don't study something you can
know it so is thoery occurs in our daily life. so study before
you marry. thanks
Jeni, (Dublin, Ireland
Nigerians abroad had better marry wherever they are. Youths
at home (Nigeria) have become so unreasonably materialistic that
they are prepared to do anything to travel abroad. When they get
there they start trouble or divorce. In a quest to get rich they
accept anything they see, then when the reality sets in they
start agitating. Think about a 19 yrs old nurse from Nigeria
marrying a 57 yrs old taxi driver in USA; they dated only two
weeks and got married. Now they are in court. Is that love?
Chinelo (DC, USA)
Nigerians abroad should come home to marry so that they can
continue our cultural heritage anywhere they are. Thank u
Bola (Chicago, USA)
Nigerian men should be free to marry any woman of their
choice whether here or back home. I'm a single Nigerian living
in the US. My brother is married to a Caucasian (white) female
and they are in love. They just had a beautiful baby boy
together. That is all that matters. It goes both ways.
Maryanne (Texas, USA)
It will be nice for people to
retain their cultural heritage if they find their soul-mate in
that particular culture or country. I don't see why men should
go back to Nigeria to get married if they have dated Nigerians
in the countries they live in and don't believe that the ones
back homely and make better wife. The world is changing now and
becoming a global village so it all depends on the brought up of
the particular individual. so i shall simply say that "home or
abroad" WIFE depends on the upbringing of the person
Nne (Toronto, Canada )
I think the guys should go home
and marry cuz they need to stick to one partner and dat's it.
don't matter if they are "promiscuous or not." They should get a
hold on themselves on how they pursue white ladies whom they
know don't usually love them.
Rasky (Baltimore MD, USA)
Am Tracy from Uganda, kampala,
brown, tall. For guys every one has a right of marrying anywhere
he or she feels like getting a corresponded soul mate.
Am from Uganda but it doesn't matter if I get a man from Nigeria
or any other country if that's the person which God has kept for
I have liked this forum. Bring it
also in Uganda, many guys like it. Thanks
Tracy (Uganda Kampala)
YES I SUPPORT THAT NIGERIANS ABROAD SHOULD COME HOME TO
MARRY TO PRESERVE OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE SO AS TO BOAST OUR
To me I would suggest that
Nigerian men abroad should come home and marry any girl of their
choice not just to preserve our culture, because these days our
girls who are desperate to marry are ready waiting 4 the man
they will capture. So I am advising that if our men want to
marry they should please shine their eyes well- well. They
should not marry a girl because of her beauty, but because of
whom she is. Find out if she is really a wife material; can she
be a wife? If our men want to marry, they should be very careful
because some girls are just interested in their money and the
other reason that their husbands may take them oversea, not
knowing that they never liked the man in question. Men should
be careful, and make good choices.
Osuji Chinazom (Owerri,
Which culture, may I
ask...the culture of fraud, tribalism, rituals, cheating, and
fanaticism? American culture is not projected my marriage,
but by their media houses, movie industries, writers, teachers,
and government. It's constantly refined. You cannot even get a
free Nigerian flag at Nigerian embassies abroad. Excuse me!
No Marriage out
there is perfect. Forget about the public displays you see, it's
not same at home. There's no such thing as 'Marrying for dubious
reasons'. There's always a reason (always a selfish interest) to
get married. This could vary from looking for someone fertile to
make kids to answer your name, someone beautiful or handsome to
compliment your social status, someone to help you get a work
permit, someone with connection to help your political ambition,
someone religious to sustain your faith, someone sexy to give
you good sex all the time. Then you can also add '...someone to
help you with your finances'. This is normally what is at
the mind of people, but they put love upfront to look Geniune.
So I don't care where you find that 'Someone' to meet your
needs. Home or abroad.
Definitely not! those who are
doing that recently are very dubious. The guys look for someone
to pay their bills, the ladies just want to travel abroad. If
you find someone who truly loves you and not your money, then go
Joy (Washington, DC, USA)
Yes!!! they should come home and marry, to
promote their culture
Kelechi Amnaechi (Imo state, (Nigeria)
I AGREE THAT NIGERIAN MEN SHOULD
COME BACK HOME AND GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO PRESERVE OUR CULTURAL
HERITAGE SO THAT THEIR KIDS WILL KNOW HOW TO RESPECT THEIR
SENIORS BECAUSE MOST NIGERIAN KIDS BORN HERE IN UNITED STATES
DON'T EVEN RESPECT THEIR PARENTS AND ALSO CAN CALL THE POLICE ON
YOU. CHILDREN BORN HERE ARE EXPECTED TO BE VISITING HOME MORE
OFTEN IN ORDER TO KEEP THEIR CULTURE AND KNOW HOW TO RESPECT
Definitely not, there is no heritage to secure because the
heritage is family control. Talking about who is using witch to
control somebody......... all that kinda stuff.
Cynthia Opurum (New York,
it depends on the man's choice
whether he wants to come home to marry or not.
Chiomystic (Nigeria,Imo State
Regardless the setback, getting a
Nigerian girl for marriage either from here or from home remains
a better choice. The alternative presents a clear and present
Anthony Ezeogu (MO. USA)
me warn that my contribution to this topic may offend some
people. So you may choose to skip reading. I am writing as one
in clinical psychology with no bias or inclination towards any
specific ideology, or faith. Please note that:
animals including homo sapiens (human being inclusive) are
naturally promiscuous ..hardly can stick to one sexual
partner. Go back to the bible and read the old testament
well (Jacob, Abraham, David, Solomon, etc). It's a natural
created male animals for procreation. That's why a man at 80
can still get a woman pregnant. At least that was how God
intended it ".....increase and multiply"
attempt to limit male human to one-man-one sex partner is
called 'taming' just like you tame a wild tiger to live with
human beings; it does not take away the tiger's hunting
instincts when he gets hungry. Taming a human been in this
case is achieved through religion, laws, fear of punishment,
diseases, financial constraints. But it has not always been
the most powerful urge that God created. Research shows that
people who are sex-starved are more likely to be aggressive
and think about succide.
every culture in Nigeria or in the world limits one man to
one sex partner.
Officially the age of consent in Nigeria is 17 years. It is
even lower in some muslem communities (in some cases as low
as 13 years), where girls are expected to marry early to
preserve their purity.
African culture a man should toil to provide for his women
until he dies (it was a punishment from God), while a woman
should sit pretty at home, take good care of herself, give
good sex, and take care of the home...she is expected to
divorces, marital woes, frustration in relationships,
aggression, suffering are direct results of re-writing God's
will blamed on the western culture and religion. I have lived in
the USA and UK. These are the most frustrating countries in
world full of unhappy people, broken families, frustrated
relationships, angry neighbors, faking happiness. On the
contrary, Nigerians have been voted twice as the happiest people
on earth despite the economic hardships. I don't know of any
divorced marriage in my community, and I m now 29. I am
not saying that people should cheat in their marriages, but when
party fails, the other should see it from these facts and be
able to understand and forgive. Don't head to court for divorce
because one party failed. It's bound to happen. It's a constant
warfare between the flesh and the spirit. Sometime one gets an
Nigerians abroad should not only come home to marry, they should
also try to keep the culture. But if they choose to live like
Americans please save enough money for lawyers. Call me whenever
you need a divorce lawyer.
There is no intelligent
accomplishment in marrying a Nigerian or any other lady. If a
Nigerian living abroad wants to marry, just marry. Marriage does
not preserve our cultural heritage.
Justice Ben (Abia state).
All I read here is about how bad Nigerian girls
are nowadays. What about the guys who have lost every basic
tenet of morality. The problem is that we still live in a
male-dominated society. When a guy cheats or commits crime he is
hailed. When a lady does same she is called wayward. How many
married women in Nigeria can openly keep a 17 year old as a
boyfriend, buy car or house for him, pay his school fees, sleep
around in hotels with him, just like our male counterparts do
with teenagers in this country with all impunity. If a Nigerian
woman did that, she will make headlines. but it's okay for a 62
year old man to keep a 15 year-old mistress and be messing
around with her even before his own children. Society will hail
that as a 'sweet catch'.
Women here have no rights, but abroad they can
speak out and fight back and get justice. That's the difference.
If you pick up an educated Nigerian girl this day and age
as a wife and travel abroad with her hoping to treat her like
your sex-slave like men at home do I feel really sorry for you.
On a different note...I watched the video of the
last Youth Talent Awards at Owerri....excellent job!! We job you
can audition in Abuja for the 2006 Show.
Temi Agbola (Abuja, Nigeria)
They should come back home and marry ,we
have lots of fine chaps around . Home is better
IKE CHARLES EBERE (Port Harcourt)
my comment goes like this who the cap fits let him wear. u
should marry from any tribe u want so far that both of u are
meant to be together, culture or know culture. u cant just mess
ur marital life up because of culture, Nigerian girls specially
the Igbo ones don't believe the word love, they only care for ur
money and that's all, once the money is there u are been loved.
please friends aboard should marry who they like.
David Cole Viaz (Owerri,
Yea they should come home to marry. The aspects
of it here to discuss are not not only to preserve
Ephraim (Port Harcourt Nigeria)
Well, i'll say it doesn't really matter where a
man choose to marry from whether a Nigeria person based in
Nigeria, or a Nigeria person based in other parts of the country
or even if it is not a Nigeria. We are one and the same. the
only difference is that of colour, and way of life.
i have learnt to understand that most of the girls in these parts
of the world, especially USA, LONDON etc, are living are wayward
If u look closely today in our so called Nigeria, the girls are
becoming more wayward than those other girls living in other
part of the world.
So what i am trying to say in essence is that it doesn't really
matter. One can marry from any part of the world where a
Nigerian or an outsider... We are created by one God.
KEEP THE PROGRAMME UP!
Enny Irorere (Port Harcourt)
IT IS QUITE PATHETIC FOR NIGERIAN
MARRYING WHITE LADIES AND DIVORCING THEM. BUT IF I MAY ASK WHAT
DO YOU EXPECT FROM THE GUYS TO DO? WHEN MILLIONS OF GRADUATES
ARE IN THE COUNTRY WASTING, SO THE ONLY OPTION LEFT FOR THEM IS
TRAVEL OUT GET ANY AVAILABLE WHITE LADY FOR EASY SURVIVAL AND
FREE MOVEMENT. IT IS VERY TRUE THAT SOME OF THE LADIES IN
NIGERIA ARE MORE HOMELY. BUT THE WAY THEIR EYES SHINE FOR MONEY
IS GETTING OUT OF HAND. YOU WILL SEE A GIRL THAT IS LOVE WITH A
GUY IN NIGERIA HERE TO THE EXTENT THEIR PLANNING TO GET MARRIED,
BUT WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT A YANKEE GUY IS INTERESTED ON HER
ALL IS LOOSED, SHE WILL JUMP TO THE YANKEE GUY WITHOUT KNOWING
THE SOURCE OF HIS CASH, WHILE THE GUY HERE IN NIGERIA WILL MAKE
UP HIS MIND TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY TO MAKE IS OWN MONEY NOT
MINDING THE WAY HE DOES THAT IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS. SO OUR LADIES
HERE IN NIGERIA OR GENERALLY NIGERIAN LADIES ARE NOT BETTER
People are free to marry wherever they like. But
it is really bad to marry for commercial reasons either at home
or abroad. So what is failing in those unions are not girls from
home but the motive for which people are getting married.
According to an African adage " You cannot sow yam, and reap
I love this forum please keep up to good work in
bringing Nigerian youths together.
.....my comment is not about
the topic but about the last Youth Talent Award held at Owerri,
Nigeria in December 2005. Please how can one get in touch with
that pretty little girl that won the the best gospel award.
Please I am serious!!!!!!. Her hip-hop performance was classy. I
will like to know where she schools, trains, live.....
It will be nice for people
to keep to the topic.... just a suggestion!.
Back to the topic. In the
olden days it worked because there were not enough Nigerian
women in USA then, my own mother was married via a photo posted
to my dad in USA. The marriage has been happily ever after with
3 successful kids. But these days, i doubt if makes sense. there
are enough Nigerian girls almost in every country to go round
all eligible men.
Guys going home to
marry are simply looking for submissive, home-bred, dummies. But
I thank God even girls at home know their rights in this century
and are quick to assert it once they come into organized
societies. I don't pray for marriages to break up. But if u are
looking for a slave who will serve u and ended up getting a prof
who will lecture u on human rights... isn't it a good bargain?
The issue is whether this practice preserve nija
culture. How do you preserve a culture by shipping our
Eves abroad?. come Warri see the girls back from Italy see the
kind culture they come back with. It doesn't look nija culture
......yo people, I was at the last Youth Talent
Awards at Owerri..great job people!!. But please add more
categories...like comedy. great job there!!
I'm a white, blond,
lady married to a Nigerian guy I met on a Christian mission to
Africa since 2000. I've seen no problems so far; ain't praying
for one. However, I'll love to know what Nigerian ladies think
about the topic; sounds interesting. Thanks for creating this
I agree that gals raised back home in Africa
perhaps know more about African cultures and tradition. But I
don't agree that they are more homely. These days u can still
pick up an 'Angel' or a 'devil' anywhere.. back home, or
abroad...doesn't matter.....the colour or race doesn't even
matter. I've met both in the short period I' ve lived.. My Ex
in Nigeria was hell. I practically endured every abuse a woman
could go through (cheating, battering, sex-starving, mention
it). Surprisingly, or no surprise at all, the guy I met abroad
is more refined and has respect for women....but the cheatin
thing is just in the blood of handsome, rich guys
everywhere.....just a caution to all ya young girls out dia.
It's something u have to deal with...happened in almost every
relationship I had. I love handsome classy guys because I am an
actress, and needed the boost. But that grade of guys just can't
have enough of pretty girls, who unfortunately, run around dem.....
Maybe I m wrong!!!!. my principle now is "do ur thin but don't
let me hear or see it, because I could do dat too"
I heard about the great job you guys did in
Nigeria in December 2005 '...picking kids from the street and
turning dem into stars' Please keep me posted on the next
talent awards. God bless your efforts.